Hope Was Born...

I love Christmastime.  It hasn't been the easiest of seasons since my losses.  Sure, there should be more presents under the tree and more children to help sing "Happy Birthday, Jesus!"  Still, it is good.

I think the best thing about Christmas is the HOPE that bursts forth.  It's a time of possibility, expectation, and wonder.  Hope was born over 2,000 years ago when God Himself entered into this world.  A precious babe, Jesus, born in a manger.  Have you ever stopped to ponder that fact?  That He would choose to enter into this world as a baby?  I treasure that fact.

Through the eyes of the world, babies don't hold much weight in this world.  A baby gone to heaven too soon is here, then gone.  That baby is remembered no more.  People move on, forget even.  Not that child's mommy.  That child will never be forgotten.  And to think that God chose to send His Son as a baby...that comforts me.  I'm reminded that God loves us - even the tiniest of us.  He loves you.  He loves your babe who is with Him now.

He sent His son into the world. Hope was born and gives me life.  This hope I cling to now and forevermore.

May you find HOPE in Jesus this Christmas...

And the Winner is...

For those of you who have been following along these last couple of weeks, we have been spending our time counting down to Christmas (which I hope was blessed for each of you!), all the while honoring our precious babies by unwrapping the "gifts" that they have left us! It has been a bittersweet time for me, personally. It is always a treasure to think about the impact of each of my babies in heaven.

Without further ado, I am super excited to share the "special gift" I've been talking about for the last two weeks! It is a beautiful, hand-made piece of jewelry, made by Lisa Leonard! I have LOVED her jewelry every since I first came across it and just had to bless someone with her amazing work. So, one of you (I promise I'll cut to the chase soon!) is receiving this necklace, which is called "marked by love" necklace, pictured below!

Yay!! The winner is: java diva! Email me at teske@mommieswithhope.com, girlfriend! You are the lucky winner of this beautiful necklace, which will be complete with personalization on the back (a name, date, initials...whatever you want!)!

And finally, you have to read the story behind this necklace, referred to as "audrey's necklace"...it's just precious, and one that many of you may be familiar with...

"some lives, though short, profoundly change the world and leave a mark on our hearts. for moms who have lost a child, their hearts are forever marked by love. this beautiful necklace was created in collaboration with angie smith {bring the rain} who lost her baby girl, audrey caroline.

a 1" hand-cast sterling pendant is hand-stamped with love on the front. customize the back with a name, date or short phrase. a beautiful reminder of life and love."

To visit Lisa Leonard's site, click here. To read Angie Smith's blog, click here!

Be blessed!

12 Days...Many Gifts

I pray you each had a wonderful, hope-filled Christmas! I enjoyed a day with family. Today, I was happy to just relax. This Christmas Countdown has admittedly been quite a challenge!

In awe at the wonder of the season, I sing...

On the twelfth day of Christmas my babies left for me...

Twelve precious cousins

Eleven, Ten, Nine = Three days closer to eternity

Eight comforting song lyrics

Seven stockings hanging

Six words from Scripture

Fiiiiive precious children

Four changed lives

Three burning candles

Two tiny foot prints

And a super snuggly, striped blankie!

Twelve precious cousins...

When I was pregnant with Chloe, I remember being so excited by the fact that she would have two cousins about her same age. Turns out, both of those babies were little girls too and I now have two precious 5-year-old nieces. The family has continued to grow since then, and to date, Chloe has twelve cousins ranging in age from newborn to almost 16! One of her cousins is already in heaven with her and that is such a precious thought to me. Matthew went to be with Jesus just over a year before Chloe did. While we don't get together as an extended family as often as we'd like, it is always hard to see my young nieces playing together when we do. It always hits me that Chloe is missing. She should be with them, but instead, she's gone. She's gone. As quickly as I let those two words flow from my fingertips, I must stand corrected. She's not gone. She's with her baby siblings and her cousin. She's with Jesus. She's home.

***

Thanks to each one of you who have shared your "gifts!" I have truly been blessed by reading each and every one of your comments. Continue to share and be entered into the drawing for a special gift. The gift and the winner will be announced on Tuesday, so stay tuned!

Nine, Ten, and Eleven

First thing's first...it's no surprise to any of you that I've slacked on our Christmas countdown these last three days. It was intended to be a daily occurrence! I'm sorry. I could tell you it's because of the busyness of these last few days ~ the baking, the cooking, the entertaining, etc. I could tell you that it's because of the horrible cold I've had. I could probably think of many different excuses.

The reality is that these last few days have been really difficult as Christmas draws near. So, I think I told myself that I was too busy, had too much baking to do, too many meals to prepare and my out-of-town father to entertain. I told myself that I didn't feel well enough to write or think about the "gifts" of my babies for that particular day. One day led into another and then another. Now, here I sit fresh off of a Christmas eve meltdown, pouring out the reality of what a grieving mommy really looks like during the holidays. Unlike the chocolate caramel Rolo cookies I just pulled out of the oven, there is no sugar-coating my grief.

It has been a blessing to me to think about the "gifts" that my babies have left for me this past week and half or so. I have also been blessed by the many "gifts" that you, my fellow mommies, have shared in the comments. Keep them coming! As I have contemplated over these gifts and tried to think of something clever to fit perfectly into days 9, 10, and 11 for our countdown, my heart feels compelled to step outside my perfectionist box, and share the following thoughts about days 9, 10, and 11 altogether...

So, with hope (and a little bit off beat) I continue singing my countdown...

On the ninth, tenth, and eleventh days of Christmas my babies left for me...

Three days closer to eternity...

Eight comforting song lyrics

Seven stockings hanging

Six words from Scripture

Fiiiiive precious children

Four changed lives

Three burning candles

Two tiny foot prints

And a super snuggly, striped blankie!

Three days closer to eternity...

That's right...I totally just merged three days into one. I'm crazy like that. But on a more serious note...tonight, on the even of Christmas, there is a deep longing in my heart for each one of my babies. I admit, I've been in a "funk" the last few days. I knew it was grief, but have denied it in numerous ways. One of which included avoiding my blog writing. As I've thought more and more about the gifts each of my babies have left behind, which truly are many, I decided to lump days nine, ten, and eleven together because the mere sequence of these days brought me great comfort. How so, you may wonder? Simply stated, with each day that passes, I am one day closer to seeing my Savior face-to-face. That is truly a gift. The journey, though hard, brings me closer spiritually to my Jesus on this side of heaven and gives me cause for hope in eternity. And isn't that what Christmas is all about...Hope.

Fiiiive Precious Children!

I have to admit...I struggled with thinking of something clever for the fifth day of this countdown (click here to go back to the beginning). As the day has gone by, I now sit down to write this post, reluctantly, and I'm not sure why. Maybe I'm just trying to avoid the topic today, or maybe it's because I'm feeling a bit under the weather. I honestly don't know. What I do know is that the number 5 represents the total number of children I have been blessed with, and for that, I am so very thankful and feel led to share more about that today.

With a thankful heart, I sing...

On the fifth day of Christmas, my babies gave to me...

Fiiiiiive precious children

Four changed lives

Three burning candles

Two tiny foot prints

And a super snuggly, striped blankie!

Five Precious Children...

We've all gotten the questions, "Do you have children?" or "How many children do you have?" To all of us, these innocent questions can sting at times. I imagine these questions may be especially painful for those who do not have any living children as of yet. By all outward appearances, we are a typical family of four, comprised of my husband and I and our two living children, a boy and a girl, ages 8 and 2 [nevermind the age gap]. What people fail to see is that we truly have been blessed with five, yes five, precious children. Three of them, however, are already home in heaven.

The reason I chose, after much debate, to share this as my day 5 "gift" for the countdown is because I felt the need to truly acknowledge my children, all of them. So often, we go about our lives as though they never existed, putting on a facade to the world, conforming to their expectations of us to "move on" or "try again," minimizing the significance of these little ones' lives. Today, I choose to share. I choose to proudly proclaim that I am a mother to five precious children; Gabriel, Chloe, Aiyana, Jesse, and Riyah and I love each one of them.

"For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well."

Psalm 139:13-14

***

What's your Day 5 "Gift?"

Remember, all commenters are entered into a drawing

for a special gift at the end off the countdown!

12 Days of Christmas Countdown...

Counting today, Christmas is 12 days away. Before you begin to panic about all the things on your to-do list, hang in here with me for a moment as I share the plans for our 12-day Christmas Countdown right here on the blog! And by the way...all who participate in our countdown over the next twelve days will be eligible to win a special gift!

I realize that many of us absolutely dread the holidays. For some, it's a reminder of the emptiness we feel as yet another year goes by. For others, it's the dreary weather that exacerbates our already aching hearts. And for others still, it can be a time of facing the growing families around us, only to be reminded of the longing in one's own heart. Churches are filled with children's Christmas programs and little ones in their Sunday's best and the wonder of Christmas fills their beaming eyes. The bottom line is that Christmas, just like many other special days, can be tough. Given that, let's purpose to do something this year. Let's choose to celebrate. Yes, we have a choice! So let us choose, for the next twelve days, to unwrap the gifts left behind by each of our precious babies lives. These "gifts" can be tangible things (such as an ultrasound picture or a special memento or blankie) or non-tangible (such as a life/spiritual lesson).

You all know that the greatest gifts must be shared! So, just as I will share the "gifts" left behind by my babies, I look forward to unwrapping the gifts of your own children as you leave your comments in the blog. I truly believe that in sharing, we will all be blessed. So won't you join in? (Say yes! Say yes! Say yes!)

We are going to do this to the tune of the song you are all familiar with, just to make it fun and interesting. If you would like, feel free to write some additional thoughts about your "gift" after you've shared it with us. I will joyfully kick things off...

On the first day of Christmas, my baby left for me...

A super snuggly striped blankie!

This particular blankie that I speak of has caught many a tears and has warmed my body and my heart on the coldest days of my grief. With admitted reluctance, I began to let my two-and-a-half-year-old daughter sleep with her big sister's blankie this past year and couldn't be more pleased with the decision. It is a sweet and treasured blessing to hear her say with excitement, "my Chloe" when she snuggles up to this special blankie!

***

Your turn, ladies! Share your "gifts" in the comments...