How Do I Trust God?

"How do I trust God?" was the question posed at a recent Hope Meeting.  A real and honest question from a grieving mommy who is just weeks away from the one year anniversary of her son's death.  My quick response pours out the instruction offered in Romans 10:9-10, which reads...

"If you declare with your mouth, 'Jesus is Lord,' and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.  For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved."

If you have a desire or prompting in your heart to trust God, then do not hesitate to surrender to Him.  Acknowledge your sin and need for a Savior and be saved by asking Him to come into your heart and to take over your life.  This is where trusting God begins...first for your salvation, then with all other areas of life.  

Mindy, a dear and precious fellow mommy, added to this conversation by sharing some of her own personal struggles with the "why" questions and the pain of her grief since her miscarriage late last summer.  I, personally, was so encouraged by her willingness to share.  She spoke the truth about her grief and she spoke the truth about her Savior.  She recognized that even when we trust God, we are not immune to heartache, but that He is there and willing to walk us through the valley.  

Yes...God's Word is power!  2 Timothy 3:16-17 says this of God's Word...

"All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work."

The testimony of a changed life is powerful too!  That's why I am excited to share Mindy's life story with you today.  May you be blessed by her story and realize that you too can trust God...

A Glimpse of Hope...

Excited. Humble. Nervous. Joyful. Vulnerable.  Just a few choice words that describe the plethora of emotions that are running through my veins right now.  So without further ado, here it is...

Release Date:  August 1, 2012

My Hope is in You

One of our Mommies with Hope support group facilitators, Deanna, emailed me about this song recently.  Titled, "My Hope is in You," by Aaron Shust, this song reminded her of this ministry, given to us by God.  I had heard the song many times before, but took some time to really reflect on the lyrics of the song and was so encouraged as the Scripture sung in the song came alive.  I decided to share it with the ladies in the Ankeny/Polk City group last week and promised I would post the bible verses that go along with the song.  So, here they are...

I pray that God's Word would speak to you in a powerful way today.  May you know, believe, and claim the promises that He has especially for you as you read the words below and listen to them set to music.  Be blessed, fellow Mommies.

"Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him.  He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will not be shaken."

Psalm 62:5-6

"The Lord is near."

Philippians 4:5

"Guide me in Your truth and teach me, for You are God my Savior, and my hope is in You all day long."

Psalm 25:5

"And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Philippians 4:7

"I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His Word I put my hope."

Psalm 130:5

"It will be a shelter and shade from the heat of the day, and a refuge and hiding place from the storm and rain."

Isaiah 4:6

Near to My Heart

Gabe came home with an assignment from school yesterday.  The specific instructions for my fourth-grade boy were to bring an object to school that was "near and dear to your heart," which would then serve as the basis for a descriptive writing project.  He gathered his things for school this morning, double checking his assignment notebook for our signature and remembered this task.  Without hesitation, he reminded me, "I have to bring something near to my heart for school today.  Can I bring Chloe's teddy bear?"

At the tender age of 4 and some months, Gabe became a big brother to baby girl who was gone too soon.  He didn't really understand, but he did.  I remember her visitation, which happened to be on Mother's Day in 2006, and Gabe was so grown up.  Too grown up.  I will never forget watching and hearing he and my nephew, just a few months older than Gabe as they gazed upon her open casket.  They took a moment to still themselves from the racing and running about to look at her, really look at her.  Very seriously, my nephew whispered to Gabe, "Shhh...she's sleeping."  Gabe bluntly responded with a loud and matter of fact voice, "No she's not.  She's dead!"  Harsh, but true.  And I was one proud mommy.  He got it.  He knew that the special part of her was gone, but that her body, precious to us, remained.

What happened in 2006 changed him.  It changed all of us.  Our family is forever impacted by Chloe's brief life and death...in more ways than I can possibly begin to share in this post.  The years that have come since continue to grow and shape us.  When Gabe was 8, our family endured more loss.  That July, baby Jesse went to be with Jesus during my first trimester of pregnancy.  Just a few months later, Riyah Mae joined her siblings in heaven after I went in for an ultrasound at 14 weeks only to find that her heart had stopped beating.  I remember that day well, as Gabe entered home from school to find me lying in bed.  He was concerned about why I was home when I should have been at work.  When we shared the news, he curled up in a ball, swallowed by my arms and we just cried.

In all this, I have learned to draw near.  Nearer to family, to friends.  Nearer to what matters.  Nearer to my Jesus, eternity.  I think Gabe has learned the same.  It pains me to think that a child must experience such pain.  That he would see his mommy and daddy broken, over and over again, and that he too is broken; innocence lost.  Yet I see how it has drawn him near.  Nearer to us.  Nearer to Him.  Just a couple of months ago, Gabe drew near in a way that I had prayed for and knew that only God could make possible.  He gave His heart to Jesus!  I've seen him continue to draw near to the Savior in the days and weeks since.  I know Chloe has been a part of his drawing near, as he learned about her precious life, untimely death, and heavenly dwelling.  The fact that he chose her teddy bear as something "near and dear to his heart" to unashamedly write about at school makes me smile a bittersweet smile as I praise God for how He's used her life to draw each of us near to His Son.

"But as for me, it is good to be near God.  I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge..." 

Psalm 73:28

Hope Lives

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ!  In His great mercy He has given us new birth into a LIVING HOPE through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead..."

1 Peter 1:3

Hope.  A word expressed so flippantly, quite often misunderstood, yet so readily proclaimed.  What does it mean to 'hope'?  What does it really mean?  Does it go beyond an optimism or wishful thinking? Can it be something more?  Where do we place our hope?  In outcomes, circumstances, or answers?  I pondered questions like these many times in my own painful past.  After all, I've longed for hope in the darkest of times and the most tragic of circumstances, both of which I've had my fair share.  Admittedly, those hopeful longings were for comfort, satisfaction, and the alleviation of whatever hurtful happenstance I found myself in.  By the power of God's Word, I have learned that HOPE takes on an entirely different definition than the world may lead us to believe.  Simply stated: Hope Lives!

God's Word paints the picture of true hope in the image of our Savior.  Hope Eternal. Living Hope.  We embrace this Hope that lives because Jesus lives.  He is our Hope.  Our only Hope.  Our Living Hope.  Thank you, Jesus!

"We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure..."

Hebrews 6:19

And the Title is...

Well ladies...it's official.  The book I've written now has a title and I wanted you all to be the first to know! I hope you like it...

Hope for Today, Promises for Tomorrow
Finding Light Beyond the Shadow of Miscarriage or Infant Loss

Yep, that's it and I am so excited!

In related news, the actual release date has been pushed back to August 1st (not July 1st like I had originally thought).  However, there will be some copies floating around before then and I will have a supply to take with me to have available at the Proverbs 31 Ministries She Speaks conference at the end of July (over my birthday I might add)!

I will continue to keep you ladies posted.  I continue to pray that you may be blessed by the writing of this book.  Just a few short months till we can all read it together...woohoo!

More important than any of this...may I just leave you with a bit of Hope for Today ~

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." 

Romans 15:13

Overflowing with hope today and resting in His promises for tomorrow,
Teske

He Knows

It's been quite some time since I've been able to sit and just think.  There's always something - a deadline, an agenda, a sink full of dishes or a mountain of laundry.  Tired doesn't come close to an appropriate description.  Yet today, I am just thinking.  Sure, I've had lots to do and have three stops to make before our Hope Meeting tonight, but not now.  Sitting. Sipping Coffee.  Thinking.

Today, my thoughts are enamored by His grace.  I contemplate - How am I so blessed?  Why has He chosen to use me?  What could I possibly have to offer?  I don't know the answers, but I know the One who does.  Oh how He loves me...as He loves you.

I think about Chloe, about Jesse, about Riyah Mae... what are they like? Are they together?  Will they know me? Oh, I miss them.  I don't know the answers, but I know the One who does.  Thank you Lord, for knowing all things.  In You, all is grace.

I wonder what's to come...How can I serve? Who can I serve?  Where can I serve? Will you continue to build this ministry, Lord?  Again, I don't know, but I trust that You do.  I trust You.  Use me however You see fit, Almighty God.

I don't know where your heart is, fellow mommy.  I don't know where you've been, where you're at, or where you're headed.  I can't pretend to know your pain, but I do know it hurts.  I can't say all the right words or heal your broken heart.  I am lacking in ways innumerable....believe me!

Here is what I can do  - I can point you to the One who is the King above all Kings, the Lord of Lords, our Almighty God and Counselor!  He is good, worthy to be praised, and He holds each and every tear that falls.  He loves you.  Did you hear me??  He loves you!  What's more...He came into this world as a baby Himself.  Precious Jesus.  He knows all and He knows you.  You are His creation.  Do you know Him?

This Christmas, may you find HOPE in the Savior!

Hope Was Born...

I love Christmastime.  It hasn't been the easiest of seasons since my losses.  Sure, there should be more presents under the tree and more children to help sing "Happy Birthday, Jesus!"  Still, it is good.

I think the best thing about Christmas is the HOPE that bursts forth.  It's a time of possibility, expectation, and wonder.  Hope was born over 2,000 years ago when God Himself entered into this world.  A precious babe, Jesus, born in a manger.  Have you ever stopped to ponder that fact?  That He would choose to enter into this world as a baby?  I treasure that fact.

Through the eyes of the world, babies don't hold much weight in this world.  A baby gone to heaven too soon is here, then gone.  That baby is remembered no more.  People move on, forget even.  Not that child's mommy.  That child will never be forgotten.  And to think that God chose to send His Son as a baby...that comforts me.  I'm reminded that God loves us - even the tiniest of us.  He loves you.  He loves your babe who is with Him now.

He sent His son into the world. Hope was born and gives me life.  This hope I cling to now and forevermore.

May you find HOPE in Jesus this Christmas...

Unsettled...

I returned home from a work conference late last evening.  I admit, I was a bit unsettled throughout the conference.  Sure, it was tough to spend two full days talking about how to help families when a baby dies.   There were times throughout the conference when my heart and mind vividly returned to those doctor appointments, ultrasounds, and hospital experiences that left me clouded with grief.  The presenters provided great information, a wealth of stories and experiences, and some wonderful hands on tools for helping families.  I am proud to report that the standard of care that they so strongly emphasized was truly what I experienced with each of my losses.

Still, there was something missing...

During those two days, I sat and squirmed, huffed and puffed, moaned and groaned; unsettled.  What was it that I was looking for that was not being conveyed?  What was missing?  Who was missing?

Minutes into the drive home, I knew precisely what it was.  I had spend the last two-and-a-half days talking, learning, listening, sharing, and debriefing about pregnancy and infant loss, how it impacted women's lives, and how professionals can help, yet felt as though I sat in a room that was absolutely devoid of HOPE.  I wonder...

Without HOPE, how can a mommy...

...endure loss?

...keep on living?

...explain to her living children that their baby sibling died?

...even get out of bed?

Hope was missing.  The skills taught, the lessons learned, and the practicality of the information was welcomed, necessary, and meaningful.  I am a first hand beneficiary of such care and I am grateful.  But Hope.  What about hope?  I'm not talking about hope for a cure or hope for a misdiagnosis.  Nor am I suggesting hope in medicine, doctors, or neonatal heroics.  I'm talking about Hope in its purest form, the only Hope I know.  Hope in Him.  Jesus.  Our living HOPE who overcame the grave.  Jesus.

I admit, it was not a pleasant feeling to be unsettled.  We all like to be in that comfy cozy place where life is easy and all the world seems rights.  But this week, He unsettled me so that I could settle into Him.  The hopeless situation of loss warrants the one true Hope of Christ! 

Unfair

I don't write about work all too often on here, despite the fact that I work at a funeral home. In my line of work, I am surrounded by death daily. Most of the time, I am able to distance myself from the sadness, the pain, and the heartbreaking grief of those who walk through our doors. Most of the time, I can keep it all together, maintain my composure, and hold back the tears. Most of the time, I can effectively help a family or a child without taking their story home with me. Most of the time.

Sometimes, though, I am immersed into the lives of these people with a heavy heart that is empathetic to their pain. Sometimes, I am broken as their loss makes me think of my own losses. Sometimes, I have to remove myself from a particular project or task and make a beeline to my ghirardelli chocolate stash (true story). Sometimes, I cry with compassion for these families...and that's okay. Sometimes, life - and death - seem so unfair.

Just this week, I was charged with the task of preparing a little boy to see his 3-month old baby brother...in a casket. His baby brother died in his sleep during naptime. At the tender age of 7, this young boy walked in confident and sure of himself. Dressed in his best, he had a smile that shined light into a dark situation as he entered the funeral home with a family member. His mommy had been there for a while already and had taken time to see her youngest son as he laid in a small wooden casket, adorned with ornate white interior. The room was filled with flowers fit for a baby in hues of blues and yellows and whites. It was a beautiful setting, complete with a night light and toys as one entire side of this room overlooked a special Children's Garden, dedicated to all the families served whose babies have died. This little boy didn't know that just minutes before he came, his mommy and daddy slowly approached his baby brother's casket with tears flowing. My heart broke for this fellow mommy as the aching sounds of her wails flowed just as freely as the tears. It was so unfair.

Why would a 3-month old baby die in his sleep?

Why should I have to prepare a child to see his baby brother in his casket?

Why are caskets even made this small?

Why do this mommy and daddy have to say goodbye so soon?

Why is there a garden full of ornaments; each one representing a child who has died?

Why did I have to stand in this very building 5 years ago for my own daughter's funeral?

It's all so unfair.

The experience brought me back. During my pregnancy with Chloe, after knowing she would die shortly after birth, my motto was "It's not fair!" It really wasn't. And neither was this. None of our losses are fair. Death is not fair.

The truth is we are not promised fairness in this world. We are not promised lives free from heartache or pain or grief. We are not promised to always live comfortably or within our comfort zone. We are not promised that babies won't die. We are not promised a life free from earthly death. Rather, Jesus himself tells us in John 16:33...

"In this world you will have trouble..."

You will have trouble. Your heart will break. You will know pain and sorrow. You will experience grief. You will face trials you never thought you'd have to face.

But Jesus doesn't stop there. He leaves us with a word of encouragement when he says,

"...But take heart! I have overcome the world."

Take heart, daughter. I have overcome. Take heart. I hold your heart in my hands. Take heart. I will piece your broken heart back together as you trust in Me. Take heart. I know your pain and sorrow. I am a Man of Sorrows. Take heart. I too am acquainted with grief. Take heart. I know what you faced yesterday, what you face today, and what you will face tomorrow and I am there. Take heart. I have overcome the world. Trust in Me. I have conquered sin. Trust Me. I have risen from the grave. Give me your heart. Death has no sting. Surrender.

Aftermath...

My wholehearted attempt to continue on with this story over a week ago has proved unsuccessful. I am, however, excited to share more with you today! :) To read the previous posts and get up to speed, click here and here.

***

What do you think of when you hear the words funeral home? If you're anything like I used to be, your mind wanders to horrendous decor, odd smells, and an eery feeling of unease. This was my perception prior to my experience with Hamilton's. I was thankful to be proved wrong. To experience a place associated with death as a place of beautiful remembrance. To see a funeral service worker in a pale yellow suit. To feel comforted.

In the days and weeks that followed Chloe's funeral, I learned that Hamilton's was much more than a funeral home. I expected that they would care for Chloe's body, do the service, and that would be that. But it didn't stop there. I learned that there was a division of the company called the Academy of Grief and Loss, which provided a whole array of aftercare services to the families they served as well as to the community. By the time summer was coming to an end, just three short months since Chloe's death, our family was blessed by the opportunity to participate in three of their aftercare services; the Coping with Grief Symposium, Little Hands children's grief program, and Children's Tribute.

Coping with Grief Symposium

Shortly after Chloe died, we were invited to attend this event by Ann, our perinatal hospice nurse. She would have a display up at this event, and so would many others in the community. I could have never imagined that just a couple short years later, I would be standing at a Mommies with Hope display at this very event. Anyway, the grief was so fresh. It was just 3 1/2 weeks after Chloe had died and Justin and I attended this event. It was fabulous. We learned about how to effectively cope with our grief. For us, I think it was just helpful to have permission to grieve and to know that we were not the only ones experiencing it. At the end of the program, we were able to honor our precious Chloe with a candlelighting. As each person passed the flame of their candle, they said the name of the person whom they were remembering aloud. I light this candle in memory of my daughter, Chloe Marie. The words still ring in my mind. I've said them many times over thees last five years.

Little Hands

Another program we learned of in the aftermath of Chloe's death is Little Hands. This is a children's grief program for young children. We wanted to do all that we could to help Gabe, then 4-years-old, understand his grief and remember his baby sister. The three-day program was like everything else we had experienced at Hamiltons ~ wonderful! Gabe, though shy, was able to be around other children who had someone special in their lives die. As a family, we were encouraged to honor and to remember. Yes, remember! I've had others question this where Gabe was concerned. Comments like, "At least he's very young and maybe he'll forget all this happened" or "Are you sure you want him to be a part of all this?" referring to memorials or services. My response? Why would I not want my son to remember his sister? Chloe is a part of our family...she always will be. We will remember her. We will honor her. In Christ, we will see her again.

Children's Tribute

Held in late summer 0f 2006, after having experienced the Coping with Grief Symposium and after Gabe having attended Little Hands in July, we were invited to a Children's Tribute at the funeral home where Chloe's services were held. This tribute was to serve the recent families who had had babies die and who had used Hamilton's Funeral Home. The garden had been dedicated a year earlier in honor of baby Alan. His mommy, Holly, was the one who had helped us with Chloe's service. This particular location houses a beautiful garden, adorned with a 'garden dancer' to represent the children who have died. Each garden dancer has the child's name etched out of it. I know my words do not do justice to explaining this wonderful event, or the beautiful garden dancers, so be sure to click on the link above to see and read more about it. Here is a picture of Gabe in the garden next to Chloe's garden dancer...

An interesting thing happened at the Children's Tribute. Funny, really. We had experienced a beautiful afternoon of remembrance, enjoyed the best butterfly sugar cookies you could imagine, and were blessed by the gift of Chloe's garden dancer to bring home. All of that was wonderful. But another thing happened...something I'll never forget. After the program and while spending some time outside in the garden, I struck up a conversation with Trudy. I had seen Trudy a couple of times by now through all the events we had gone to at Hamilton's. Trudy helped lead the symposium and was one of the helpers at the Little Hands program. Trudy was the Director of Hamilton's Academy of Grief and Loss. I was so impressed by the Academy's services and so blessed to be a recipient, that I had to know more, so I kept asking questions. I remember asking something about employment in the Academy and Trudy informed me that she had a part-time Coordinator, but that the position was vacant and would need to be filled in the near future. Without hesitation, I boldly stated, "Hire me!" While I wasn't hired right away, I did find myself employed as the Academy Coordinator 6 months later!

***

More to come in the days ahead...stay tuned!

Been a While...Update and Reminiscing

If your New Year is anything like mine, then you have hit the ground running! While not my typical blog post, I want to share a little bit with you about what I've been doing and then tie it back to why I feel this is pertinent to this blog. And just in case you were curious....my New Year's resolution was not to quit writing. Read on, and hopefully you'll have it in your heart to forgive me for my writing hiatus!

***

In recent years, I finished up my graduate studies while simultaneously discovering my love for teaching. I had many great opportunities to teach at the University-level, as well as at a nearby community college. I developed wonderful connections with my students over the years and am extremely blessed by those experiences. Along the way, I experienced the death of my daughter, Chloe (May, 2006) and then had two miscarriages in 2009. Chloe's life and death truly influenced my chosen career path as I realized my passion for helping others who were grieving.

After much debate about "what's next," having finished graduate school in May, I decided to leave teaching and begin my career with Hamilton's Academy of Grief and Loss. In fact, I had worked there before for a time, assisting the director with the many grief-related events and services offered to the community. I absolutely loved it! However, I was trying to finish school and was pregnant with a healthy baby, so something had to give. Now, a few short years later, I have found myself back at Hamilton's as I train to become the next Director of the Academy. I tell you all this because there really is a great story behind it that not everyone is aware of. The story, I feel, is truly a message of God's redeeming work in our lives...

The story begins nearly five years ago. I would have been pregnant with Chloe at this time, expecting the birth of a healthy baby. In February of 2006, we received news that she would not live long after birth, if she made it to birth, due to a chromosomal abnormality and accompanying brain condition. Choosing to continue the pregnancy for as long as possible, and desiring to plan her funeral ahead of time, we were put in touch with Hamilton's Funeral Home, which came highly recommended. On May 8th, 2006, we met with two of the most caring women, Margo and Holly, to prearrange Chloe's funeral. Since that time, Holly has become a dear friend. We connected right away because sadly, she too knows the pain of having to bury a child. Her son, Alan, died at 5 1/2 months old after his second heart surgery. Friday was the anniversary date of his death. I never got to know this lil' guy, but he is so special to me for a number of reasons.

Just three short days after first meeting with Hamilton's, Chloe was born into this world. Much too quickly, she went to be with Jesus. We were blessed to have been able to make her arrangements ahead of time. We were blessed even more in the days that followed. Chloe died on a Thursday. We decided to have her visitation on a Sunday evening with the funeral on Monday morning. After the plans were set, we realized that Sunday was, in fact, Mother's Day. It seems sad to think about, and sometimes it is, but at the same time I am so thankful that I got to spend time holding Chloe in my arms on the one Mother's Day I had with her. What a treasured gift.

The funeral was surreal. We had an open casket and Chloe rested in the cuddliest blankies we could find, clothed in a pretty pink dress and her special bonnet. She was buried with a few small items, including a small pink New Testament bible, a doll, and a special necklace around her neck. The necklace was a gold chain with a heart charm that had the word "me" engraved on it. This small heart was a breakaway piece from a larger heart, which I wear around my neck, engraved with the word, "mommy." I love that we share this. Another thing I remember about the funeral is that Holly wore a pale yellow suit. I know that may seem like an odd thing to remember, but it really stood out to me. It was comforting. It was a small ray of sunshine on a very dark day. I will never forget that.

Before I knew it, the service was over and people were proceeding out to the beautiful words of Michael W. Smith's "This Was Her Time." I remember crying so loudly when the time came for my brother and brother-in-law to carry their baby niece, my precious Chloe Marie, out to the waiting limousine. This was it. We were leaving this place to go and bury our child.

***

The story doesn't end here...stay tuned in the days ahead as I share more on the redeeming work of God in and through this situation. He has truly blessed, even in this.

A New Year...A New Creation

This week, we are focusing on some biblical truths and practical tactics for ringing in the New year. A previous post provided insight to the first truth shared and gave us some questions to ponder and tactics to employ as we face the New Year.

The next biblical truth and practical tactic deal with being made "new" in Christ. It is my prayer that He continues to make me over, according to His likeness, and that He do the same for you in 2011.

Biblical Truth

"Anyone who is in Christ is a new creation; the old has gone the new has come."

2 Corinthians 5:17

Based on this verse, and the overall message from Scripture, to be "new" you must be "in Christ." In Christ. What does this even mean? Plainly stated, it means having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. We will get to more of what this means in the practical tactic below. But the biblical truth that we are equipped with today reminds us that "anyone who is in Christ is a new creation." The word "anyone" implies that anyone can be "in Christ," meaning that the ability to have a personal relationship with Jesus is available to all. Not those who clean their act up first. Not those who strive to earn favor from God. Not those who go to church every week. Not those who appear to have it all together. Anyone. By being in Christ, one is a "new creation." God changes that person from the inside out. They are no longer enemies of the Father, but adopted as children of God through the precious blood of Jesus.

So, what does this all mean? How can I have a personal relationship with Jesus? These questions bring me to explain further in our practical tactic...

Practical Tactic

To be in Christ, one must first see themselves as a sinner. Romans 3:23 says, "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." Keyword here is "all." Just as anyone can be in Christ, as mentioned above, it is important to acknowledge that "all" are sinners. All. Each and every one of us. Because God is just, there is a price on sin. Romans 6:23 says, "For the wages of sin is death." That's a heavy piece of truth to swallow on a Monday morning, don't you think? The good news is that there is hope. God, in His perfect love, made a way to save us from our sins. He knew that we could not be perfect or sinless, and therefore were far from His holiness. That is why He sent His Son, Jesus! We just celebrated Christmas, the remembrance of Christ's earthly birth. What we often fail to remember is the reason He came. He came to live a perfect life and pay the penalty for our sins on the cross! That's the good news. He is the only one who can save us from our sins. Only Jesus. How can we be saved? Like I said, it's not about religion or church or good works. It's about being in Christ. To be in Christ, we must accept the truths already provided. Here are our practical tactics related to these amazing truths...

1) Acknowledge ourselves as sinners

2) Admit our need for a Savior

3) Confess and Believe

4) Accept Jesus as Lord

I leave you with two more verses from Romans that succinctly sum up all three of these tactics. The following truths give us the "how to" answer you may be looking for...

"That if you confess with your mouth Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved."

Romans 10:9-10

AND

"For everyone who calls upon the name of the Lord will be saved."

Romans 10:13

Acknowledge. Confess. Believe. Be Saved. Be Made New in Christ!

***

If you have trusted Christ as your Savior, we would love to hear about it in the comments. If you have not yet made this decision, be reminded that we are told in 2 Corinthians that "now is the time, now is the day of salvation." It will be the best decision you ever made!

Please share!!

Nine, Ten, and Eleven

First thing's first...it's no surprise to any of you that I've slacked on our Christmas countdown these last three days. It was intended to be a daily occurrence! I'm sorry. I could tell you it's because of the busyness of these last few days ~ the baking, the cooking, the entertaining, etc. I could tell you that it's because of the horrible cold I've had. I could probably think of many different excuses.

The reality is that these last few days have been really difficult as Christmas draws near. So, I think I told myself that I was too busy, had too much baking to do, too many meals to prepare and my out-of-town father to entertain. I told myself that I didn't feel well enough to write or think about the "gifts" of my babies for that particular day. One day led into another and then another. Now, here I sit fresh off of a Christmas eve meltdown, pouring out the reality of what a grieving mommy really looks like during the holidays. Unlike the chocolate caramel Rolo cookies I just pulled out of the oven, there is no sugar-coating my grief.

It has been a blessing to me to think about the "gifts" that my babies have left for me this past week and half or so. I have also been blessed by the many "gifts" that you, my fellow mommies, have shared in the comments. Keep them coming! As I have contemplated over these gifts and tried to think of something clever to fit perfectly into days 9, 10, and 11 for our countdown, my heart feels compelled to step outside my perfectionist box, and share the following thoughts about days 9, 10, and 11 altogether...

So, with hope (and a little bit off beat) I continue singing my countdown...

On the ninth, tenth, and eleventh days of Christmas my babies left for me...

Three days closer to eternity...

Eight comforting song lyrics

Seven stockings hanging

Six words from Scripture

Fiiiiive precious children

Four changed lives

Three burning candles

Two tiny foot prints

And a super snuggly, striped blankie!

Three days closer to eternity...

That's right...I totally just merged three days into one. I'm crazy like that. But on a more serious note...tonight, on the even of Christmas, there is a deep longing in my heart for each one of my babies. I admit, I've been in a "funk" the last few days. I knew it was grief, but have denied it in numerous ways. One of which included avoiding my blog writing. As I've thought more and more about the gifts each of my babies have left behind, which truly are many, I decided to lump days nine, ten, and eleven together because the mere sequence of these days brought me great comfort. How so, you may wonder? Simply stated, with each day that passes, I am one day closer to seeing my Savior face-to-face. That is truly a gift. The journey, though hard, brings me closer spiritually to my Jesus on this side of heaven and gives me cause for hope in eternity. And isn't that what Christmas is all about...Hope.

In the Word Wednesday (Ch 9) - Where Your Treasure Is

For where your treasure is, there your heart will also be.
Matthew 6:21

This week's chapter of our study of And Then You Were Gone by Becky Avella focuses on looking toward eternity. I have to admit, this week has been difficult. An emotional rollercoaster of sorts. In my own grief journey, it's just been one of those weeks. I could go into all the details as to why I think things are tough, but I will spare you the details. Truly, the details are the very things that have taken my focus away from the One True source of Hope and strength I have. My Jesus. So this week's chapter is quite timely for me. Isn't that just like God?

Becky starts the chapter out by sharing how she is now able to see that God began preparing her for her miscarriages before they occurred. Can any one of you relate? When you look back, what circumstances or people do you feel God divinely orchestrated for the particular purpose and reason of preparation? Who did He send? How have you seen His hand cover all the details? Though I can recall numerous instances, one in particular comes to mind. In fact, it was a person. An unlikely friend. God placed us in an office together during our graduate studies. We could not be more opposite. She was all "Christian-like" and me...well, that's a different story. Still, a friendship grew and God has used her in unimaginable ways in my life. I could literally write an entire post devoted to her, as she did on her own blog recently, but I do feel that such a post is for another day. I will, however, say one thing about how God used her... She showed the love of Jesus to me when I was most unlovable and that brought me back to His feet in surrender. I am forever thankful for how God used her. It was her living testimony that led me to realign my hope to where it belonged. In Christ, my Savior!

Speaking of hope, Becky states, "The hope of Heaven was a key ingredient in surviving and healing" (p. 78). Hope. If we know Jesus, we possess a heavenly hope that surpasses any earthly treasure. For those of us who have babies in heaven, it looks all the more sweet. Psalm 84:1, 10 says,

"How lovely is Your dwelling place, O Lord Almighty...Better is one day in your courts than thousands elsewhere."

Indeed, how lovely...and oh so much better! I admit that sometimes, however, I lose sight of this eternal perspective. We talked about this in the face-t0-face group last night and came to a consensus that it is difficult and challenging at times to keep our eyes focused on eternity. In my grief, my mind couldn't seem to take hold of how to maintain this eternal perspective. I begged the question, What can we do? How can we keep our eyes focused on the heavenly hope that we, who know Christ, possess?

"Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God."

Colossians 3:1-3

Reading over these verses, I am reminded and encouraged at all that God has done for me. He sent His Son, Jesus, to live a perfect life and to pay the penalty for my sins. Jesus died on the cross for me. He is the reason I have any hope at all! I have given my life to Him. I've surrendered. He is Lord of my life. I believe this with all my heart. Because of this, I have "been raised with Christ" and my "life is now hidden with Christ in God." Amen?! Yet, there are still times when I find it a challenge to set my heart on things above. The grief can be overwhelmingly painful. Jesus reminds us in the gospel of John of the peace and comfort He brings when He says,

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

John 16:32-33

Praise Him! He knew there would be troubling times. He knew there would be pain. He knew that some days I may just want to sit and cry and wallow in my grief. Yet He lifts me up and whispers straight into the depths of my soul, "Daughter...take heart! Trust in Me! I have overcome! Look up to Heaven where I am seated! Look up, Teske...may your gaze be heavenly bound. Your babies are with Me."

I cannot conclude this post without an invitation to you, personally, to enter into the saving hope of Jesus Christ. This hope is a gift, available to all. All you have to do is receive it with a humble heart through prayer, as stated so plainly in Romans 10:9-10...

"If you declare with your mouth, 'Jesus is Lord,' and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved."

You will be saved. You will possess a heavenly hope, an assurance of salvation, reunion with your baby, eternity with Jesus. There is no greater hope I can imagine.

Preparing Hearts for our Hope Retreat

I realize some of you reading today may not be coming along with us this weekend on our first-ever "Hope Retreat" (sad face), but you can be a part of this weekend by committing to lifting us up in prayer, as we prepare for and experience what God has in store for the weekend. I do believe there is some practical application for everyone in the post to follow, so please read on and think about the preparation of your own heart for God to do His work...

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In just a few short days, a group of 17 women, myself included will take part in our first-ever "Hope Retreat." I can't tell you how very excited I am for this planned time of faith, fellowship and fun. Friday evening will be filled with a fabulous dinner out and a special "Hope Night" to take place at the hotel in which we are staying. We will have desserts and gifts and prizes and fun! We will pray and reflect and hear from two fellow "mommies" about God's work in their lives! As a second part to this "Hope Retreat" we will be attending the Rise and Shine Women's Retreat on Saturday, which is a one-day event with featured speaker, Lysa Terkeurst! I have had the awesome privilege of hearing her speak on a couple of occasions and was truly blessed. I trust you will be too!

Each of these things in and of themselves are absolutely fantastic! It's exciting to think about a little getaway that involves some time with the ladies, not having to cook for or clean up after ourselves, and of course massive amounts of chocolate. With spouses and/or families left behind, there are many details we each need to juggle and negotiate. We have to think about schedules and childcare and work and carpool situation. We have to choose out attire, plan our finances, and think about the rest of the weekend's festivities upon our return home from this mini getaway. Some of the ladies attending are involved with helping out with Friday's "Hope Night", so some may also be finalizing the details and duties pertaining to that.

I am needing to remind myself, and felt it important to remind all of you, that most important of all amidst the many preparations taking place is our need to prepare our hearts. Let us not neglect this, ladies! God has called each and every one of us to be a part of this weekend and He has plans in store for each of us. This calls to mind a familiar verse of encouragement from Jeremiah...

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you a HOPE and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and you will find me when you seek me with all your heart.

Jeremiah 29:11-13

What are some practical ways that we can prepare our hearts for the "Hope Retreat" throughout the rest of this week? Over the next few days, I will highlight several ideas, as listed below. First up...PRAYER! I will go into the other ideas in more detail throughout the rest of this week, so stay tuned.

Pray!!!

Ask God to prepare your heart for the weekend. Pour out your hear to Him and cast your cares upon Him. He desires to hear from you. If you are not attending, pray still and ask God to reveal to you those things that He would have you learn and experience to grow closer to Him. He wants to have a relationship with each and every one of us, made possible through the sacrifice of His own Son, Jesus! Prayer is a vital part this relationship.

Know that those of you attending are being prayed for by name. That's right...there are four women from our own ministry who have been praying for each of you in preparation for the weekend. What's more, the ladies of the Rise and Shine women's ministry team have been praying the Fruits of the Spirit over each of you, by name, since the moment you were registered! Is that not an awesome comfort?!

Don't be leary about leaving out the details! Pray for your families in your absence. Pray for your schedule. Pray that God maximizes your time to do all the things He has ordained for you to do beforehand. Pray that He would calm your spirit and give you a peace and a heart that is open to His guidance and direction. Pray, pray, pray!!

Recognize the Battle

(More to come on Wednesday)

Extend Grace

(More to come on Thursday)

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I would love to hear what others of you have been doing and/or plan to do, starting today! Leave your thoughts in the comments, ladies!!

(in)couraged by an Eternal Hope (and free stuff!)

To all my fellow "mommies!" I have a guest post running on the (in)courage site about Chloe, titled, She Made me a Mommy with Hope. Be sure to check it out and browse around the (in)courage site! You will certainly be encouraged by this amazing community of Jesus-lovin' women!

Welcome (in)courage friends! Thanks for visiting...get comfy, get some tissues, and read more about what it means to possess an eternal hope. Also, what kind of host would I be if I weren't offering up some free stuff?? Be sure to leave comments to enter into the drawing for one of three prizes! Details below!

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Hope. A word we use so very flippantly. We hope for many things in life. Something as mundane as the ability to get all the laundry done to more serious things like a job promotion or the health of our children. Hope. We toss this word around in our daily repertoire of conversation and discussion, often referring to things or outcomes. Hope. A word that, by definition, means: "to desire with expectation of obtainment" (thank you very much, Mr. Merriam-Webster Dictionary). Hope. What have you hoped for, just today?

I have to admit, when I entered that ultrasound room nearly 5 years ago, I hoped to go home with some good pictures. I hoped to get to record a video. I hoped to find out the sex. I hoped many, many things. Then, all of my hopes came crashing down when I heard the harsh words of my doctor: "Your baby is going to die." All I could feel in that moment were the hopes and dreams I had for my baby unraveling right before my eyes.

Hope. It took on an entirely new definition. Hope. It was my pregnancy with her, anticipating her death, that drove me to my knees. Hope. Found in the promises of His Word. Hope. Discovered as I weeped and wailed at His feet. Hope. Revealed so boldly when her daddy gave his heart to Jesus in the aftermath of her death. Hope. In the big brown eyes of her brother who proudly declares her heavenly dwelling. Hope. In the innocence of a baby sister who never knew her, yet clings to Chloe's blankie as if she knows it's something special.

Hope. A confidence in knowing what lies ahead. Hope. Trusting in God's grace, which ushered my precious Chloe into heaven. Hope. A promise to be fulfilled for those who are (in)Christ. Hope. For that unimaginable reunion. Hope. To press on, trudging through the deepest darkest valley, to then climb to the top of the Mountain where God's glory is revealed. Hope. In the miracle of His creation of this tiny baby girl. Hope. God used her life to transform me into a Mommy with Hope.

The one true source of my hope eternal...Jesus. Where is your hope?

"...we who have fled to take hold of the hope offered to us may be greatly encouraged. We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain, where Jesus, who went before us, has entered on our behalf."

Hebrews 6:18-20

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I "hope" you enjoyed your visit, (in)courage friends! Everyone is invited to leave a comment below pertaining to today's post on the topic of "Hope." If you have also experienced loss, I'd be honored to pray for you and to remember your precious child by name, just leave that in the comments as well. Or, feel free to ask questions of me if you have them....pretty much just say something and you'll be entered into the drawing! :) Each comment will be entered for a chance to win one of the following three (yes three!) prizes:

1) A copy of Becky Avella's book, And Then You Were Gone: Restoring a Broken Heart After Pregnancy Loss. Ladies, you will certainly be blessed by this book!! It is a great read for anyone who has experienced loss and also for women who are coming alongside a friend in her grief. We are currently reading through this book for a bible study and each week, on Wednesdays, there is a post pertaining the book! Thank you, Becky, for donating your book for the giveaway!!

2) Starbucks ($10 gift card)!! Yeah, that never gets old....And, they are now serving their pumpkin spice lattes! Woohoo!

3) A super cute "Hope" magnet, pictured below (thank you to my husband for your keen eye at Hallmark)! It says, "Have hope God will guide you through." Yes, He will...can I get an "Amen?!"

So...comment away, fellow "mommies," friends, and (in)courage gals! Winners will be posted on the blog on Wednesday morning, so stay tuned!

Reminders and an upcoming Giveaway!

I have LOVED reading your comments on the previous post. The names are absolutely precious and some of the stories you ladies have shared behind them have brought me to tears! Love it!

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On a different note, I wanted to remind you about a recent post I wrote about an upcoming Walk to Remember. The walk will be held tomorrow in Des Moines. Click here to read that post. Also, here is an article from the Des Moines Register (click here) about the event tomorrow with much more detail. This is a wonderful opportunity for us to honor and remember all of the precious babies who have gone to be with Jesus. After the walk, all are welcome to join us for some bowling fun at Merle Hay Lanes in Des Moines. See details for this social on the right sidebar. If you are not in Central Iowa, be sure to look for opportunities in your own communities this month.

Also, I wanted to tell you all about something exciting that will be happening on Monday! I will be a guest posting over at (in)courage. If you are not familiar with this site, I encourage you to check it out. You will certainly be blessed! The piece that I have written is about Chloe, my first baby girl who went to heaven and will be featured under the "Daily Guests" link at the top of the homepage. So...on Monday, we will also have lots of (in)courage visitors on our site...yay! We need to be their official welcoming committee, girls, and here's how...

First, let's commit now to pray for the women who are led to this site. Undoubtedly there will be other women who have "been there" who venture on over. Lift them up boldy, ladies!

Secondly, what better way to show hospitality than to give away free stuff! And of course, fellow mommies, you are welcome to participate too. So be sure to come on back on Monday for the givewaway details!

Finally, and most importantly of all, let's show off the reason we have the hope we do...our sweet and precious Jesus!

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"But in your hearts, set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give a reason for the hope that you have..."

1 Peter 3:15