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Making a joyful noise today as we continue to count down, I sing...
On the fourth day of Christmas, my babies gave to me...
Four changed Lives
Three burning candles
Two tiny foot prints
And a super snuggly, striped blankie!
Four changed Lives...
Loss changes everything. Once we've experienced loss, we see the world differently. The four changed lives I speak of in this post are that of my husband, my two living children, and myself. At the time of Chloe's death, it was just my husband, our son (then 4 years old), and I. Chloe taught us so much. It was her life [and death] that led me to recommit my life to Christ and led my husband to surrender his heart to Jesus for the very first time! These changes in our lives had a direct effect on our son, whom since that time we've strived to raise in a godly, biblical home. I'll never forget the innocence of his words when I "quizzed" him on the three persons of the trinity and he proudly stated, "the Father....Jesus....and the Holy..., Holy Moly??" We've come a long way! Then, our daughter, born two years after Chloe died. She will be raised in a home where Jesus is present and lifted high. She never knew Chloe, nor will she remember the miscarriages that occurred during her toddler years, but these babies' presence in our family will teach both of our children just how precious life is. I am a proud mamma to think at how God has used these tiny babies lives to produce change in our hearts. I can't help but trust that others' lives have been impacted for the Kingdom as well!
"Anyone who is in Christ is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come."
2 Corinthians 5:17
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3 comments:
Teske, I love how you share that from Chloe's death came rebirth to you and your husband! I pray the same for my FIL!
My baby left for me...4 grieving grandparents, 3 cousins, 2 perfect footprints, and a handprint in a casting.
My parents and my husband's parents were very involved with the pregnancy and birth. My mom went with me to all of the first appts and the ultrasounds. My MIL is a baby-crazy grandma and when I was told the diagnosis the first thing I said to my own mother was, "How will I tell her?" When we finally told her, she was a wreck for days. I prayed she'd go back to church. I've been praying that for years. She told me our hope eventually gave her hope for a miracle and even some strength.
4...Four letter words. Stick with me for a minute, I promise they are positive words! I have a different view of some four letter words in my life now.
HEAL...I thought it would just happen. I thought it would be a end point. But it's not...the heal part of losing a child is a process, and it's continual.
LIFE...my babies each had a life. They were short lives, but it was a life nonetheless. It is such a struggle but I want in MY own life to celebrate their lives. I don't want people to be afraid to talk to me about my children in Heaven. It's very hard, sometimes, because the pain of grief makes it easier to focus on losing them. But each of them had their HUMAN life, and now they each are living their heavenly life. Someday I, too, will join them. Until then, I know they are in good hands!
HOPE...some days, it feels like I have none. But I do. I hope for many things...another child to hold here on earth, a sibling that my son can play with, a heart that always trusts that there IS hope. I hope that I will meet my heavenly babies soon but I know it could be a long time. I hope that I can practice patience and focus on what God wants me to do here. I hope that my life is a reflection of my heavenly Father. I hope that He looks at me and says "Well done".
LOVE...God is love. He doesn't do things in any other manner. He didn't take my children because I did something wrong, or because I'm not a good mother, or because I'm screwing up the child I have here (yes, I did think that for a while!). He didn't take them to Heaven because he hates me, and I'm not being punished. Whatever the reason, it was done in Love...the perfect love that ONLY God can give. That perfect Love that is enough for me. I have found myself leaning more on God's love this year, and I'm finding myself closer to Him than I have ever been.
Huh...it wasn't intentional but there are 4, four letter words. :)
My fourth baby (miscarried at 9 weeks) gave to me the gift of having to rely on God when there are no answers here.
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