Unsettled...

I returned home from a work conference late last evening.  I admit, I was a bit unsettled throughout the conference.  Sure, it was tough to spend two full days talking about how to help families when a baby dies.   There were times throughout the conference when my heart and mind vividly returned to those doctor appointments, ultrasounds, and hospital experiences that left me clouded with grief.  The presenters provided great information, a wealth of stories and experiences, and some wonderful hands on tools for helping families.  I am proud to report that the standard of care that they so strongly emphasized was truly what I experienced with each of my losses.

Still, there was something missing...

During those two days, I sat and squirmed, huffed and puffed, moaned and groaned; unsettled.  What was it that I was looking for that was not being conveyed?  What was missing?  Who was missing?

Minutes into the drive home, I knew precisely what it was.  I had spend the last two-and-a-half days talking, learning, listening, sharing, and debriefing about pregnancy and infant loss, how it impacted women's lives, and how professionals can help, yet felt as though I sat in a room that was absolutely devoid of HOPE.  I wonder...

Without HOPE, how can a mommy...

...endure loss?

...keep on living?

...explain to her living children that their baby sibling died?

...even get out of bed?

Hope was missing.  The skills taught, the lessons learned, and the practicality of the information was welcomed, necessary, and meaningful.  I am a first hand beneficiary of such care and I am grateful.  But Hope.  What about hope?  I'm not talking about hope for a cure or hope for a misdiagnosis.  Nor am I suggesting hope in medicine, doctors, or neonatal heroics.  I'm talking about Hope in its purest form, the only Hope I know.  Hope in Him.  Jesus.  Our living HOPE who overcame the grave.  Jesus.

I admit, it was not a pleasant feeling to be unsettled.  We all like to be in that comfy cozy place where life is easy and all the world seems rights.  But this week, He unsettled me so that I could settle into Him.  The hopeless situation of loss warrants the one true Hope of Christ!