Fiiiive Precious Children!

I have to admit...I struggled with thinking of something clever for the fifth day of this countdown (click here to go back to the beginning). As the day has gone by, I now sit down to write this post, reluctantly, and I'm not sure why. Maybe I'm just trying to avoid the topic today, or maybe it's because I'm feeling a bit under the weather. I honestly don't know. What I do know is that the number 5 represents the total number of children I have been blessed with, and for that, I am so very thankful and feel led to share more about that today.

With a thankful heart, I sing...

On the fifth day of Christmas, my babies gave to me...

Fiiiiiive precious children

Four changed lives

Three burning candles

Two tiny foot prints

And a super snuggly, striped blankie!

Five Precious Children...

We've all gotten the questions, "Do you have children?" or "How many children do you have?" To all of us, these innocent questions can sting at times. I imagine these questions may be especially painful for those who do not have any living children as of yet. By all outward appearances, we are a typical family of four, comprised of my husband and I and our two living children, a boy and a girl, ages 8 and 2 [nevermind the age gap]. What people fail to see is that we truly have been blessed with five, yes five, precious children. Three of them, however, are already home in heaven.

The reason I chose, after much debate, to share this as my day 5 "gift" for the countdown is because I felt the need to truly acknowledge my children, all of them. So often, we go about our lives as though they never existed, putting on a facade to the world, conforming to their expectations of us to "move on" or "try again," minimizing the significance of these little ones' lives. Today, I choose to share. I choose to proudly proclaim that I am a mother to five precious children; Gabriel, Chloe, Aiyana, Jesse, and Riyah and I love each one of them.

"For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well."

Psalm 139:13-14

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What's your Day 5 "Gift?"

Remember, all commenters are entered into a drawing

for a special gift at the end off the countdown!

A Name...

Tonight's post stems from a continued discussion from Chapter 3 of And Then You Were Gone, the book we are currently reading through. In this Chapter, Becky (the author) shares the names of the children whom she lost to miscarriage:

David Patrick
Micah
James Roy
Sarah Grace

All beautiful. All precious. All have meaning.

After sharing the names of her children, as well as their meanings, Becky says this:

"It is still possible to name your baby even if your miscarriage was too early to determine the sex or if your loss happened a long time ago."

Just seeing those words written on paper and reading them out loud helps me to feel as though I have permission to do such a thing. We have named two of our three babies in heaven. We have always referred to our second loss, a miscarriage at 6 weeks, as "Baby." I've been comfortable with that, but have also always had a gut feeling, as Becky also talks about in Chapter 3, about the sex of this child. I should also add that I have been right with all of my other children! :)

But seriously, Justin and I went back and forth at the time of the miscarriage about choosing a name and discussed several that were gender neutral. We never officially decided on anything, however. Still, in the quietness of my own heart I have always felt that that baby was a little boy with the name of Jesse, which means "The Lord exists." Yes, He does!

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I would love to hear the names of each of your babies...even if you call them "Baby!" Or maybe you're like me and you've had a name for that child hidden in your heart, but tonight, you want to share. Go for it! Whatever you decide, know that you are honoring your baby by speaking his/her name. Let's leave our babies names in the comments below. I'll start!