Busy, Busy, Busy Grief

In recent months, I've tried to stay on top of writing on the blog consistently. My apologies for a brief hiatus this past week. As each of you can most assuredly relate, life has been busy, busy, busy! Not to mention my continued computer issues (yep, you can still pray for me on that one!).

In thinking about how crazy busy things have been and through conversations with people along the way, I honestly do think that part of my busy lifestyle has a lot to do with my grief. In the year after Chloe died, especially, I got very involved in doing "stuff." All good stuff I might add, but stuff nonetheless. For me, it was a way of coping with the loss. I had so many things to do and so many commitments to uphold that I didn't have time to grieve. Perhaps you can relate?

I find myself continuing to do that from time to time, especially when special days or holidays approach. These are tough days for me and times when I sense the loss of my babies most deeply. However, if I stay busy, especially by doing something for someone else, then just maybe I won't have to feel the pain. This all sounds like some great method for coping with loss or like some magical formula, doesn't it? In all actuality, it only delays the inevitable. The feelings still come. It still hurts. I still miss my babies. This very thought puts me in mind of something we read in our recent bible study from Becky Avella's book when she says, "Grief can be delayed, but it cannot be denied." Isn't that what I've been doing? By filling my plate to overflowing with activities and commitments, I'm only delaying the emotions of an experience that already exists.

I want to change this. I want to purpose to face those special days knowing full-well that I may just have a meltdown and that's okay. I want to let myself experience the pain when it comes, knowing that it exists much because I loved much. Won't you join me? Let us lay our busy lives aside, and if even for a moment, rest. Rest in our circumstances. Rest in our experiences. Rest in our grief. Rest in the arms of our Savior, Jesus, who walks this road right alongside us.