Blessed.

Today, in this season of my grief, I am blessed. Let me be the first to say that being "blessed" is not the first thing that typically comes to mind when I think of the losses I've experienced. Over time, I have been able to proclaim this truth more and more, but it has not always been this way. When I rewind five years and recall all that I was feeling in the aftermath of Chloe's terminal diagnosis at twenty weeks along, many other choice words come to mind...

Shocked.

Devastated.

Numb.

Anguish.

Tormented.

Depressed.

Angry.

Heartbroken.

Shattered.

Oh my, the list could go on and on. "Blessed" was certainly not on included! In fact, my pregnancy motto was "It's not fair!" Sometimes those were the only words I could utter. Occasionally, this little phrase may have been followed up by, "I just want her to live...that's all!" The truth is, that's where I was at the time. I was drowning in my grief. And guess what? That was okay.

Some of you may be in that very spot today. My heart hurts for you, precious friend. Tears well up as I think of you and your precious baby in heaven. I rejoice in God's mercy that welcomes that baby into His arms, yet I ache in knowing the reality of your pain. Let yourself feel all that you need to feel. Grieve deeply, as you are. Know that you are not strange or wrong for feeling the way you do. You are not alone. There are others who have traveled this road. We are here.

Galatians 6:2 commands us, "Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." Other "Mommies" are here to carry the burden. Even more importantly, I urge you to give it to God. In Matthew 11:28-30, Jesus says, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." He wants you to lay it at His feet!

Right now, we are all at different places in our grief. I trust that God is working in and through your circumstances to bring beauty from the ashes. Our God is a God of goodness, working all things for His glory and purposes. Trust Him. He has great and precious plans for you. I, simply a humble servant of Christ, am a living, breathing testimony of His promise to work all things for good (Romans 8:28). Five years ago, my list looked just as I so plainly stated it above. Today, my list has but one word:

Blessed.

'"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."'

Jeremiah 29:11-13