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Come and find solace as you get to know us who share in this journey of grief. We have been praying for you and extend our deepest and sincere sympathy. We “hope” you experience comfort and peace in this safe haven of love and support.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

A Name...

Tonight's post stems from a continued discussion from Chapter 3 of And Then You Were Gone, the book we are currently reading through. In this Chapter, Becky (the author) shares the names of the children whom she lost to miscarriage:

David Patrick
James Roy
Sarah Grace

All beautiful. All precious. All have meaning.

After sharing the names of her children, as well as their meanings, Becky says this:

"It is still possible to name your baby even if your miscarriage was too early to determine the sex or if your loss happened a long time ago."

Just seeing those words written on paper and reading them out loud helps me to feel as though I have permission to do such a thing. We have named two of our three babies in heaven. We have always referred to our second loss, a miscarriage at 6 weeks, as "Baby." I've been comfortable with that, but have also always had a gut feeling, as Becky also talks about in Chapter 3, about the sex of this child. I should also add that I have been right with all of my other children! :)

But seriously, Justin and I went back and forth at the time of the miscarriage about choosing a name and discussed several that were gender neutral. We never officially decided on anything, however. Still, in the quietness of my own heart I have always felt that that baby was a little boy with the name of Jesse, which means "The Lord exists." Yes, He does!


I would love to hear the names of each of your babies...even if you call them "Baby!" Or maybe you're like me and you've had a name for that child hidden in your heart, but tonight, you want to share. Go for it! Whatever you decide, know that you are honoring your baby by speaking his/her name. Let's leave our babies names in the comments below. I'll start!


Teske said...

To honor my precious babies by speaking their names...

Chloe Marie, meaning blossoming/blooming; bitter/wished for Child

Jesse, meaning the Lord exists

Riyah Mae, meaning singer; May (after a grandma and special month for us)

Anonymous said...

I love the names you picked!!

The boy...Lima Bean...from when you read about how big babies are getting...at some point they are the size of a lima bean.

The girl...green bean...only because we stuck with the bean theme.

A friend named one at 6 weeks jelly bean.

In my book of ultrasound pictures I wrote Losing all my beans made me lose my marbles :)

- Carolyn

Jamie said...

We named our miscarriage Grace (well more I did, now the kids have picked up on it also, so I'm sure Zach will soon follow). I don't know the gender of the baby, part of me feels it was a girl (until recently with losing two boys I'm second guessing). My friend did have a 'vision' of a little girl running through a field when I was going through the miscarriage. Grace because every song, every verse that kept coming at me was all about God's grace- most especially Chris Tomlin's song Amazing Grace.

Our second loss we named Malachi Robert. Malachi means Messenger of God, angel. We believe he really sent a strong message to people about the sanctity of life. Robert is my husband's middle name, and as with all our boys we use their middle names after a family member or someone meaningful in our lives. It means Bright Fame.

Our third loss we named Nathaniel Larry. It was totally God who gave us this name as we just didn't have a name (we were waiting to find out the sex of the baby at our ultrasound so didn't really discuss names much). Nathaniel was not on our list at all, but as I began to search for names that mean God's gift or Gift of God that one jumped out at me. Nathaniel means Gift of God, and he surely was a gift to us! Larry is after Zach's dad. It does mean 'Crowned with Laurel' and I can't help but think of the crown sweet Nathaniel is wearing.

Rachel B said...

Well, Teske, strangely enough, I was just talking to my 3 1/2 year old about this lastnight before bed. We had a miscarriage at 11 weeks in September 2008. Andrew was only 1 1/2 so he doesn't remember...and we had never discussed it with him. But, lastnight we were reading a Bible story before bed, this one about Elisha who went up to heaven without dying. The book asked, "Who do you know that's in heaven?" We talked about my grandparents and some friends, then went on reading the story. However, I felt a nagging in my heart to tell Andrew about the baby that is in heaven. I stopped and we talked. He said, "You mean our baby was born in heaven?" His question brought tears to my eyes. "Yes, Andrew, that's right!" He wanted to know if the baby was a boy or girl. I told him that I didn't know. He said he thought it was a girl. I asked what he thought the baby's name should be. He said, "Peanut" (the nickname of his cousin, Jaylyn, Jill's little girl). I smiled, our baby has a name...sort of. :) It felt good just talking to Andrew about it and then sharing the story afterwards with my husband. I like talking about "Peanut."

If our "Peanut" was a girl she would have been named Mya Elizabeth meaning "mine" and "God is gracious."

Becky Avella said...

I was so touched to come here today and see my babies' names written out. When anyone remembers their names, I am so thankful and touched. Thank you, Teske! And I love the names you've chosen for your babies. Jesse seems perfect, too. I'm glad you've given him a name.

I'm so happy, too, to see other people naming their babies and reading about the meaning behind them all. Reading the comments today brought tears to my eyes.

Like I said in the book, the names we chose were not the names we would have used if they had lived, but were chosen for their meaning.

Over the years, I've fallen in love with the names we chose and the meaning behind them. Giving the babies their names reminded us that they were real and we will have a real relationship with them soon. It has also helped my daughters to feel connected to their brothers and sisters in Heaven. They talk about David, Micah, James, and Sarah often, especially my youngest daughter.

I think names are important.

Great post, Teske. Thank you for this wonderful study!


Jill said...

What a great post Teske! I think it's great to remember and am grateful for every opportunity I'm given to do just that. When we lost our baby at just over 6 weeks in Aug. of '08, I wondered if the little one was a boy or a girl and we'd discussed names, but as time drifted on we never "named" the baby - I simply called "her" my little "J". Anyway fast forward to March of '09 and we find out we are pregnant again - now with our 5th child, so we start discussing names - with J.D., Joy and Jaylyn it's a given we'll have another J. Many cross my mind but I settle in on Jenae Hope - with Jenae meaning, "God has given" HOPE. Our journey through our loss was a strong experience of the depth of HOPE HE does provide. By mid April I was convinced I'd meet little Jenae come October!! So June arrives and it's time for our ultrasound...we had never even discussed finding out the sex of our other kids, but this time I felt like I had to know, I really couldn't explain it, but still couldn't convince my husband, so the UT sealed it in an envelope...well by that evening I took a peak. It's a boy! Though this pregnancy shared similarities with our other son, I was still surprised. A few days later I even found myself asking, "what about Jenae?" I didn't hear a voice, but God whispered to my heart, "I'm already holding her." And then I knew...that name was on my heart in April, our due date was April 19th, and had to find out the sex of our 5th baby in order to name our 4th and really have time to grieve all over again.

Then it came time to name our new little guy and as I was reading the story of Solomon's birth and how at that time Bathsheba was possibly still grieving the baby she lost. The name Nathan gave them for Solomon was actually Jedidiah, friend of God.

It is amazing to see how God works and how much He cares! He created these littles born in heaven; it's so good to give them a name, remember them and learn from them!

Thanks again Teske...I needed to walk down this road tonight!!

Blessings to you...can't wait to meet you next week,

Teske said...

I have loved all of your sweet comments, ladies! To see the names of each of these babies and to hear the stories behind them is just amazing. They are real...children whose lives matter and mean something. Just simply stating the name helps us acknowledge and honor each and every one of them. Love it!

Connie Webb said...

Wyatt Earl
*Little Fighter and Leader

Amanda Hope

Rachel said...

I am visiting from incourage and really appreciated this post about naming our babies. Naming them is a special privilege God gives to parents and helps us remember the significance of their tiny lives. My husband and I lost a baby in September of 2009 at 9 weeks, she would have been our fourth. We named her Charity Noelle to go along with her sisters Clara Anne Danielle, Chloe Rachelle and Christin Arielle. The older girls still remember her and bring it up occasionally that they have a little baby sister in heaven.

We were thankful for the brief time we had expecting Charity. She is still a precious member of our family. I feel that I learned much about trusting my heavenly Father through losing her. Thank you, Lord.

Rachel W

java diva said...

What an awesome topic! And I am so excited to share this God story of my daughter's name who was born and died 10-4-10, 1 week ago. :(
We didn't think we'd ever have another child, so we were very surprised in Jan of the news. I had my reservations. I didn't believe she was part of God's plans for our family. I believed she was a boy at first bc my husband had wanted to name our last child Jacob, but she was a girl. And when he reminded me of that name my son came downstairs from his room and said, "I have a name if it's a boy, Jacob." We were shocked.
I knew what name I wanted for a girl. Pearl Hope. Our daughter's middle name is faith bc of the intense spiritual journey I experienced throughout the pregnancy. So Hope seemed like a good middle name to follow. And I love the retro feel of Pearl, but bc our last name ends in a P, I knew my husband would not allow it. So I didn't get my hopes up Throughout the worse first trimester I ever experienced, I kept hearing & seeing the name lulu. Movies, designer labels, you name it, I even saw/heard it 3x within 24 hours once. And I knew that was God getting my attention. So one day I decided to look up the name, it was so odd to me, definitely not a name I was familiar with. And tears filled my eyes when I saw it means "pearl." God is so personal! What an awesome Father He is. And at the end of the rough pregnancy a sister prayer warrior shared the rest of her name definition: peaceful, calm (def not!), protected, precious, pearl. :)
Thanks for letting me share! I just get so excited about God's hand in my life and especially in this pregnancy.