Forever Changed

Once impacted by loss, we can not help but be different. I think back to my life prior to Chloe, and things were different. After Chloe went to heaven, I knew I would never be the same. I could not go on living life as if nothing had happened. The very core of who I was, was forever changed.

This is not a realization that I came to overnight. As time passed and I began to see others moving on with their lives, I felt so much pressure to try to get back to "normal" and was bombarded with messages of "you can always try again" or "at least you didn't bring her home from the hospital," each of which only diminished the immense pain and anguish I felt in the aftermath of such loss. Can you relate? Have you been there? Are you parked there today, sweet friend?

There is nothing that I can say to take away the pain you must be feeling. There is no magical wand that exists that will ever undo what happened. Yet here we remain, forever changed by our children in heaven. I have had several conversations about this very fact with other women quite recently. Some women are so fresh in their grief and they wonder if there will ever be a day where they will not think of their child. Is that you? Others experienced loss years ago and will readily admit that there is not one day that goes by that they do not think of their child. Is that you? No matter where you are at on this spectrum, I believe there are some very real and practical truths from God's Word that we can apply here...

Children are a gift from God!

Psalm 127:3 clearly states, "Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from Him." Plain and simple, your child, no matter how much time you had with them, was and is a gift. God blessed you by choosing you to be that baby's mommy. While it pains me to think of the brief lives that my own children had on this earth, I am so blessed that God gave them to me, if only for what seemed to be a moment. As time has passed, I have begun to see the many gifts that they, in turn, have left behind for me and countless others.

God is in control and oh, how He loves us!

If any of you are like me, you have probably had those times when you have bargained with God or questioned His plans. I must admit, the questions and bargaining have even led me to believe that I somehow must have done something to cause or deserve the losses of my babies. I know for a fact that such thoughts are nothing more than Satan's lies! In contrast, the truth of God's Word is that His plans are perfect, His will is flawless, and His love is endless. Jeremiah 29:11 says, "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and future.'" It is completely beyond the character of God to do anything to harm us! Romans 8:28 says "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." The verse doesn't say "some things" or "most things," does it? No! God's Word assures us that He works ALL THINGS for good. The question is, do you love Him? Do you trust Him? A wise friend made the most profound statement to me after my most recent loss when she said, "Teske, we just don't know...this may have been the most loving thing God could have done or allowed." I rest in that, trusting that God has it all under control, just as His Word says He does.

The death of a child, changes everything!

As we've already alluded to and as you very well already know, when a child does, we can't help but be changed. For some, it may be noticeable to others and for others of you, it may be a personal sense of just feeling different. The bottom line is that things are different. Let's take this very practical reality and delve into the Scriptures with this notion in mind. The most notable "child" in Scripture is Jesus Himself. Jesus was God's own Son, who died a painful and sacrificial death on a cross. Biblically speaking, the death of this child most certainly changed everything. The miracle of it all is that Jesus did not stay dead! He lives today, seated next to His Father in heaven. Because Jesus conquered sin and death, we are able to have a direct relationship with God if only we would trust in Him. Trusting in Christ secures our place in heaven, where we who believe will see Jesus face-to-face, and I can't help but picture him gathering each of our children in His arms! To know Christ is to be a Mommy with Hope. Our hope lies solely in Him and in His love shown for each of us as He took the cross in our place.

"...but because Jesus lives forever, He has a permanent priesthood. Therefore He is able to save completely those who come to God through Him, because He always lives to intercede for them." Hebrews 8:24-25

That's right, ladies. Jesus lives forever and saves completely. Thank you, Jesus, for letting your death and resurrection change my life for eternity! How has the death of this child, Jesus, changed your life? If He hasn't quite yet, don't you think it's time?