Defying all Expectations

What is this hope we have, as Mommies with Hope? This hope extends far beyond an optimism or any kind of wishful thinking for a brighter tomorrow. Sure, this may be part of it, but it’s so much more. When Lindsay and I met in the fall of 2007, just a few short weeks after her precious son Andrew Lindsay died, and over a year after my daughter Chloe died, it didn’t take long before we knew God was up to something by bringing the two of us together through our losses. We were Mommies with Hope. We had the hope of heaven written on our hearts, penned in Jesus’ blood. Being a Mommy with Hope meant having full assurance of faith found only in Christ. And oh how our hunger for heaven grew as we rested in the knowledge that our babies were there before us with their heavenly Father, if only by His grace.

Since the start of Mommies with Hope, God has done the unimaginable. He took two broken-down, beat-up, grief-stricken women who love their Jesus and allowed us to enter in to women’s lives as they walk their own grief journey. He has brought women to us and allowed us to share the hope we have as we comfort each other the way we ourselves have received comfort from God (2 Corinthians 1:3-4). He has given grace upon grace as we come alongside one another through subsequent healthy pregnancies, joyful adoptions, multiple losses, and infertility struggles. He has raised women up to grow in faith and in love for Him and one another and the list goes on. I feel so blessed to be a part of such a group of women.

Just last year, I had the privilege to travel to North Carolina to Proverbs 31 Ministries' annual She Speaks conference. I went to the conference with the intent of getting some practical and informative information about how to more effectively live out this calling God had placed on my heart in the months that followed Chloe’s death. More specifically, I would be focusing on my speaking and had it in my mind that I would come back to Iowa with everything I needed to know about being a speaker, starting more Mommies with Hope groups, sharing the gospel and the rest would be history. Oh did God have different plans in store for me as I flew off to North Carolina just 8 months ago. Proverbs 16:9 says, “In a heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines His steps.” God was leading me down a path completely off the course I had planned...it was uncharted territory, with a rugged terraine.

What I didn't expect was to experience, yet again, the very thing that brought me to my calling in the first place. Loss. I didn’t expect to be going through a miscarriage during my time at She Speaks this past year. As I made my way down to my friend’s house to then head to the airport on that bright July morning, clouds rolled in as I received confirmation by phone from my nurse that I was, in fact, having a miscarriage. You can read about that experience here. Still, I went. Side by side with two godly girlfriends, armed with tissue and coffee in hand, we were on our way to experience a weekend that defied all expectation.

God taught me so much in the midst of my grief while there in 2009. In preparation to attend the conference, I anticipated learning about speaking and marketing and ministry and the like. I did. But still, He had different and better, yes far better, plans in store.

"'For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,' declares the LORD. ‘As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.'"
(Isaiah 55:8-9)

In the midst of trials it can be hard to see exactly what God is up to. I have had to humble myself countless times, admitting that my Sovereign God knows what He is doing and that His plans are for my good and His glory. Thus was the case with She Speaks 2009. I returned home that weekend with the tips and the information I was hoping to find, but I brought back so much more. I brought back another dimension to what I felt God was calling me to do. Because of the brokenness I experienced while at She Speaks, God spoke to me more loudly and clearly than ever about what it was He was calling me to do upon my return home. In my vulnerability I was able to see that God’s plans for “my” ministry needed to be refocused. I was so willing and eager to serve others, to serve women, to serve my church, and to serve my community that I neglected the ministry He had set before me in my very own home…my husband and my children. That was such a humbling experience that I am ever so thankful for. I asked God to prepare me for what He would have me learn at She Speaks, not recognizing that His plans are often different, and far better, than any grand scheme we concoct in our own minds. For me, it meant a miscarriage…another loss. It also meant waiting on the public ministry I so desired, and refocusing on serving my husband and my children. The moment I surrendered that situation over to God, He began to bless the Mommies with Hope ministry like crazy. Every week we seemed to encounter a new Mommy in search of hope and God was always faithful to give us the words and the wisdom to minister to her broken heart. Two women felt the call to begin a second group in a nearby community, which came to fruition early this year. My husband has grown in His walk with Christ and He is supportive of the ministry and he has had opportunities to share and be a part of doing ministry with me, whether it’s when we gather as couples or when I’m writing on the blog. Over the months, it became less about me and my desires and all about Him…my Jesus…the reason I am a Mommy with Hope, just like it ought to be.

In the midst of it all and just a few short months after returning home from She Speaks in 2009, I found myself again on the receiving end of this ministry, supported by Lindsay and so many other women in the group, as I experienced another miscarriage…this time at nearly 14 weeks…a precious baby girl, Riyah Mae. Still, He continues to bless and I cling to Job 1:21, where I’m reminded that “The Lord gives and the Lord takes away; blessed be the name of the Lord.” Oh yes, blessed be His name!

Now, I look forward with excitement about what God will do with Mommies with Hope and eagerly await to see how He will continue to use me. I would be so honored to have the opportunity to return to She Speaks in 2010. Lysa Terkeurst is offering a scholarship contest for women who desire to go, which is the reason for this particular post. Be sure to check out her blog and read the hearts of many many other women who feel call to ministry too! If She Speaks 2010 is a part of His plan for me and I am blessed to be chosen as a scholarship recipient making it financially possible for me to attend, praise God. If not, I praise Him anyway…His plans are always, always, always far better.

If you sense a call on your life to speak, write, and/or lead women in ministry, check out the conference details here. I would be honored to pray for you as you obey the call….leave a comment below and let me know how to lift you up in prayer!