He Gives and Takes Away

For those of you who are just joining us, I am writing about my most recent miscarriage. Please read the prior posts, starting with You Are Still My God, which will get you up to speed.

As I was just coming to after the surgery, I could feel the tears in my eyes before I had even opened them. With eyes still closed, I mumbled, "I want my baby." One of the medical personnel must not have understood me and asked me what I had said. I repeated, this time louder and even more aware of what had happened, "I want my baby!" More tears, less confusion, and a true realization at what had just happened. The body, or "tent", of my precious baby had been stripped from within me. Already, I felt completely and utterly empty, longing for my baby more than ever before. My heart was just heavy with hurt at knowing what had happened. Physically, I felt fine. No pain, even though they kept asking me, "Are you in pain?" I began to wonder if I should have been, but now just attribute that small bit of physical comfort to just one of the many ways God was showing His blessing upon me during this very difficult time.

Soon, I was in a recovery area, where shortly thereafter Justin and Ann greeted me. Ann left after a bit. I was so glad she had come. I was so thankful that Pastor Dave, Charlie, and Ann had all stayed with Justin as he waited. While we were in the recovery area, I received a phone call from a dear friend. She was not aware of what had been going on with us, and to be honest, we had tried to keep it from her for the time being. We knew that as we were facing the loss of our precious baby, our sweet friend was waiting for the birth of her daughter. Let me digress...

This friend of mine had already experienced loss. She has 3 sweet boys in heaven already. After over a year of waiting for an adoption, the time had come. The birth mother, who had chosen my friend and her husband to parent a precious little girl, was in labor. We knew this going into the D & C and couldn't bear the thought of sharing our news with her at this time. Our hearts were rejoicing with and for her and the long awaited arrival of this baby. But the phone rang and Justin answered. Our friend told him the news that their baby girl had been born! Meanwhile, I'm in the background whispering, "Don't tell her anything! Don't tell her anything!" Poor Justin. He was flustered by all the commotion (could you blame him?) and quickly told her I couldn't come to the phone because I was in "recovery"...or "tired." We will certainly laugh about this later. In fact, I'm laughing about it now. But anyway, he managed to get her off the phone, not remembering much of anything she had told him about the birth. Still, we knew her baby had been born and we couldn't have been more excited about this news!

God was so good to me during that time. He brought to me the verse from Job that says,

"The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord."
Job 1:21

Not long after, I received a text from this very friend as she had come to realize our loss, and she was so sorry to have heard about it. My response, without hesitation, was "enjoy your lil' girl!" and I meant it with all my heart. We were and are rejoicing with these friends during this amazing time in their lives. We continue to lift them up in prayer as they are now in the wait. The birth mother could change her mind still. Pray for this situation. God knows each of their needs and He is there. I have talked to my friend in recent days and we have both been in awe at how God used that verse in each of our lives through this time. She even commented that she thought of us as they were on the way to the hospital because the song, Blessed be the name, was playing. God is so good to us, isn't He? Even in the toughest of circumstances, He brings joy and peace. Oh, how I am resting in Him today.