To Not Be Silenced...

As I sit to write this post, I am a different woman than who I was just over a week ago. Early last week, I would have told you that I am the mother of three precious children, two of whom are playing amongst scattered toys on the floor as I write, and one whom resides in the dwelling place of our Lord. I would have also told you that I was eagerly anticipating the birth of our fourth child, but to keep it quiet because we hadn't told hardly anyone and were waiting for the right moment to spread this exciting news. I may have even shared with you that I was nervous about this pregnancy, which is to be expected considering how Chloe's loss impacted our life and made us all too familiar with the reality that babies, yes even babies, can die an untimely death.

Sadly, I cannot tell you those things above today. In this past week, my story has changed in what seems to be the blink of an eye. Today, my story sounds a little something like this... I am the mother of four precious children, two of whom my husband and I have been entrusted by God to train up in His ways, and two of whom dwell in His heavenly home above. So yes, ladies, my story has changed. Last week I may have been able to share with you the "secret" that child number four was on the way, but today, that child is cradled in the loving arms of Jesus with a big sister, named Chloe, singing sweet lullabies amidst the angels nearby. I will admit, I struggled with whether or not to share this experience with you all.

Oh, to not be silenced!

I've had the lies of the enemy tormenting me, saying, "You were only six weeks along." True. I was six weeks along. And in those weeks, there was a longing, an anticipation, and a joyful excitement about the blessing of this child. So my response to Satan, and any other person who views this child as only six weeks along, is that I love that sweet baby.

Psalm 139:15-16 says,
"My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."

God's Word addresses this lie in the verses above. He is the master creator and sustainer. Each day is crafted by Him and for His purposes. This is true for my life, your life, and this sweet baby's life, however brief. He is sovereign and almighty! In time, I know that He will reveal to me those things that He purposed through this child's life, and I so eagerly look forward to unwrapping those "gifts" that this precious baby will leave behind for me to discover in this journey we call grief.

I know that I am not alone and that there are many of you who have had to walk these unfortunate footsteps before me. While I can never imagine what you specifically and uniquely experienced, I can say to you that I know it hurts. I do not know exactly how you feel, but I can empathize. Even after having experienced the loss of Chloe, it is a different child, a different grief, a different experience. No two losses are the same, nor can they be compared. Still, it is a loss and we grieve, regardless of what the enemy or the world are whispering in your ear.

In John 16:33, Jesus says,
"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

The world, in all of its ugliness, will fail us over and over again. We will hear senseless comments, receive well-intentioned, yet hurtful words, and will likely wonder whether it would have been best to keep quiet about the whole thing in the first place. I've wrestled with this all week, wondering if I should tell, who I should tell, and what I should say. My conclusion...

To not be silenced!

If you are in this place today, tempted by the world to devalue the life of your child, wondering whether that precious baby's life was significant, it is my prayer that you find comfort in these truths:

You loved your child.

Your child's life mattered.

God loves your child.

Your child is with God.

Your child's life, no matter how brief, has a purpose.

While your child never received the opportunity to live in this world, these sweet babies can be used by God, in HIS master plan, to bring a message to someone today. So ladies...

Do not be silenced.

Embrace the truths above and begin to discover the ways in which God will work through your experience of loss to make an impact on the world, for HIS glory.