6 Years of Blessing

She would be 6 today.  It's hard to believe, really.  Six years!  It just doesn't seem possible.  In honor of Chloe's birthday, I am spending some time reflecting on how her life has continued to impact this world and counting my blessings.  I want to share six of these blessings with you, my fellow mommies.  One to represent each year since she went to be with Jesus...

Perspective
From the moment we received her diagnosis when I was 20 weeks along, everything has changed.  Calamity took on a whole new meaning and tragedy is no longer a stranger.  Still, there is blessing.  The frustration of a trivial arguments are relieved quickly and the significance of relationships magnified. Precious life is recognized, treasured, remembered. I see things through the lens of eternity, no longer consumed by the worry of the day. Life is short, love is eternal, God has done great things for me!

"Now then, stand still and see this great thing the Lord is about to do before your eyes!"

1 Samuel 12:16

Cherished Memories
Tangible moments were few, memory-making moment sparse.  Still, they are memories forever cherished.  The smell of her skin, the black curls in her hair, and the tiny lips that opened and closed with sporadic gasps for breath - moments I will not soon forget.  The grasp of her fingers, the warmth of her body, the way her second toe extended over her big one...just like daddy.  Held for every moment of her life, just as the Savior holds us now.  Memories continue to be made - in the garden plantings that re-emerge each Spring, in the questions of our living children as they long to know their sister, or in the written words that flow and encourage.  I cherish these moments and I am thankful.

"Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, for our 'God is a consuming fire.'"

^{Hebrews 12:28-29}

Joy
Maybe the world can't quite understand, but I to be honest, I can't quite understand it myself.  The joy I've felt over these past six years is indescribable.  I know that it is a joy that can only come from one source; Jesus.  The grief does not bring joy in the least.  Yet, my God, who walks me through my grief, brings me joy like I've never known.  Joy has come in countless blessings...son and husband knowing Jesus, revelation in the Word, bittersweet remembrance.  Amidst the heartache, I claim joy.

"The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him."

Psalm 28:7

Purpose
Where do I begin?  The blessing of His call is humbling, the faith to walk in obedience is freeing, and the fruit of sharing His truth is life-giving.  This ministry born out of death - this miracle in the midst of my mess - what a blessing.  Women gather here, longing for their babies, yet truly longing for their Creator.  Oh, that He would reveal Himself to me so that I may point these precious souls to Him?!  Simply astounding.  May every sentence spoken and every word written bring honor and glory to my King, Jesus, who's shown me purpose through this pain.

"Now I want you to know, brothers and sisters, that what has happened to me has actually served to advance the gospel."

Philippians 1:12

Hope
Before Chloe, I didn't really understand what hope meant.  Hope has changed for me - from a wish or desire - to an assurance of what's to come.  For this reframing, I am grateful.  Hope in eternity, a heavenly dwelling.  Hope in truth, the gospel...good news.  Loving people, praising God, and winning souls for Christ.  My fellow Mommies with Hope and those who long for hope.  Hope in the Word, and my Jesus who is the Word...not doctors, specialists, tests or mere mortal man.  Hope in Him, Redeemer of all things, when all hope seems lost.  For this understanding of hope, I am blessed. Hope overflowing.

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."

Romans 15:13

Heaven

What is heaven, without hope? This verse I call to mind..."How lovely is your dwelling place, O Lord Almighty" (Psalm 84:1).  I have seen a glimpse of heaven through the assurance of His Word, by the testimony of His children, and through the change within my heart.  I know the power of His gospel, which so boldly beckoned me.  I saw my husband accept this sacred gift and my son come to know Jesus too.  Fellow Mommies in full surrender, trusting God with their babies and then their lives.  I have seen the glory as much as can be seen from this side and long for what awaits.  I know nothing can compare.  I can only imagine.  Just a glimpse, yet too astounding not to share.  Have you seen it too? Do you know this blessed assurance?  Have you surrendered in hope? I leave you with this...

"Whoever has the Son has life; whoever does not have the Son of God does not have life.  I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God so that you may know that you have eternal life.  This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us.

1 John 5:12-14

Do you have the Son?  

This is the greatest blessing of all...trust Him.