His Song is With Me

There will be no In the Word Wednesday post this week, as we take a break from the study since it is our monthly "hope" meeting week. We will be back next week, however, with thoughts on the next chapter of And Then You Were Gone, so stay tuned.

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By day the Lord directs His love, at night His song is with me - a prayer to the God of my life.

Psalm 42:8

This past Sunday, our Pastor gave us a "homework" assignment. He preached about our God, the Rock of Ages (click here to listen), based on Psalm 18:1-3, 30-36, and 46. He spoke about the faith of David, the psalmist, and how his writing of the psalms were actually songs to God. Our "homework," then, was to write a song to God as we look back to see how He has worked in our lives and circumstances. Considering I assign and grade many-a-homework assignments of my own, I was up to a new challenge of actually completing an assignment. The following is written based on my view of God's loving hand over the last few years, through my losses.

At the tender age of 16, I gave my life to Jesus. I was far from understanding what this meant at the time, but it is an experience that God has reminded me of countless times in recent years and circumstances. I drifted far from Him in the years that followed, but from me, God was never far. He held me close in times of trouble and swept me up when I needed Him most. His grace and mercy cover me into eternity and He welcomed me back into His arms when I needed His loving embrace. God, my loving Father, allowed me to experience things that I wish upon no other person on this earth, if only to bring me back to His Son. I am so thankful.

Five years ago, I could not have come close to a mere thought of anything stated above. I was far from God, going about life in my own way and according to my own plans. But God, in His Sovereignty, blessed me with a daughter, Chloe, and I would forever be changed. Chloe was a precious little girl, born with "abnormalities" that were deemed fatal. To the world, she did not look like any newborn little girl should look. We knew this before her birth, but we loved her just the same. She was beautiful. Only God could give me the eyes to see her beauty. Only God could give me the strength to continue my pregnancy under the circumstances. Only God, in His infinite love and mercy, could usher her into His heavenly dwelling.

Since her death, I have seen God work miracles. I stand humbled and amazed at what He has done. I have seen Him bring others to the foot of the cross in surrender. What's more, my husband and I were first in line. God orchestrated every detail to bring about Mommies with Hope and I am just blessed to be a part of it. I literally tear up thinking that God would use me. Me. Seriously...me? A lowly sinner who fails over and over again. That's the absolute truth of who I am. But God. I can boldly say that I trust Him. I trust His plans. I trust my Jesus. I belong to Him. Thank you, Jesus, for using me for Your Kingdom!

It has not been easy. There have been days when I have cried and cried and cried and have struggled to get out of my comfy chair as I lay wrapped in Chloe's blankie. Yes, me. I have been broken. It is in my brokenness, however, I allow Him to carry me. I want to be at His feet. I want to be in complete surrender. I want to be in His will. He has been so faithful to be all-sufficient. In times of despair, He is my comfort. In times of weakness, He is my strength. In times of sorrow, He is my joy. In times of perish, He is my salvation.

I know that my song is incomplete, because I believe I am always a work in progress. It is my prayer that His song for me always be the song I'm singing...

Lord, may your desires and your will for me be the song that I want to sing each and every day. Help me to see how you want to use me and give me the strength to always obey your call. I love you, Jesus. Thank you for going to the cross for me. For me. I know you did this for me.

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What song are you singing to God today?