Ultimate Healing

You may have read about my recent sneaky grief moment. I'd like to say that it was here, then gone, but that's not the case. What started as a moment late last week, permeated throughout the weekend. A wondering about and longing for my babies filled my heart more fully than in the recent past. A special date night with my oldest child, while certainly wonderful, led to thoughts of special dates with three children that would never happen this side of heaven. A Sunday church service filled with babies, children, and pregnant women that seemingly engulfed me as I sang, looking out into the congregation. Yet, the act of singing out to my Savior made all the mess of my grief fade away into the background.

Then, a sermon (click here to listen) about the transfiguration of Christ (Mark 2:9-12). Jesus revealed His true self to three of his disciples and they saw Him for who He was....certainly more glorious than any of us could imagine. At one point in the sermon, Pastor led us to the story in Mark 5 where a father seeks Jesus to heal his dead daughter. Reading the words, "Your daughter is dead", from verse 35 instantly brought me to tears. I've heard variations of those words....more than once.

In the ultrasound room with Chloe at 20 weeks along: Your daughter is going to die.

By phone with my nurse practitioner at six weeks along in my pregnancy: You are miscarrying.

In the same dreaded ultrasound room with Riyah at 13 1/2 weeks along: I'm so sorry, Teske...I don't see a heartbeat.

Like the man in the bible story, I trusted Jesus could and would miraculously heal, especially when I think about my experience with Chloe. In ways beyond my mere human comprehension, He most assuredly did.

I recently received an email seeking prayer for a woman who is faced with a situation similar to what we went through with Chloe. She is, in fact, being induced today, giving birth to a baby who is prognosed to die shortly after birth due to a brain condition. In my reply to this sweet friend who shared this request on behalf of her friend, I said the following:

"We too found out during our pregnancy that she [Chloe] would not survive after birth, due to a brain condition. I so ardently hoped and prayed for God to miraculously heal her, and believed He could. He provided ultimate healing by welcoming her home, 45 minutes after her birth."

I hoped for healing. He certainly was able to do so. He did not heal her in the way I had hoped. Rather, He provided ultimate healing. He welcomed her home. No more tears, crying, or pain (Revelation 21:4). Truly, she was healed. And even though He didn't heal her in the way I had hoped, He is still good! He is still loving! He is still caring. He is still compassionate. He is still Savior.

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Ladies, please lift up your prayers on behalf of a fellow "mommy" mentioned above. Out of respect for her privacy, I will not share her name, but God already knows. Pray for her as she meets her little one face-to-face today.