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Come and find solace as you get to know us who share in this journey of grief. We have been praying for you and extend our deepest and sincere sympathy. We “hope” you experience comfort and peace in this safe haven of love and support.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

His Still Small Voice

First, forgive my writing hiatus! I have to be honest...I have not felt led to write of late, until today. Some wonderful women, whom I had the privilege of sharing a weekend with in late July/early August (while I was experiencing my recent miscarriage, in fact) are writing on their blogs today, all around the verse 1 Kings 19:12. These women were in my speaker evaluation group at the Proverbs 31 She Speaks conference, and I cannot begin to tell you the encouragement I gleaned from their spirits, their words, and their prayers. Please visit Regina's blog to link on to these other women's blogs and read what is on their hearts surrounding the whisper of God.

So as I said, I have not felt led to write for some time, which is why it has been so long since my last post. Last week, I received emails from the group of ladies mentioned above about all writing and posting today on this verse:

"After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper."
1 Kings 19:12

A gentle whisper. The NKJ version uses the words "a still small voice." This got me thinking, praying, and contemplating those times when I have heard the still small voice of my Lord. There is one occasion in particular that I can pinpoint and share with each of you, and it is my hope that the testimony of hearing God's voice after this trial will be an encouragement to you today.

When I think back to the day I gave birth to Chloe, many emotions, memories and snapshots of her brief life flood my heart and mind. From the rushing to the hospital to try to stop the labor, to watching my belly slowly shrink as the liters of extra amniotic fluid were drained from my body, to the bittersweet moments of finally holding my sweet baby girl for the very first time, knowing I would have to say goodbye all too soon. So many memories. Cherished, yet chaotic. Adored, yet detested. Loved, yet hated. A whirlwind of emotions. A flood of tears. A fiery anger burning in my heart, questioning God's providence, plan, and purpose. Akin to the earthquake and fire faced by Elijah in the 1 Kings 19 passage.

Then...His still small voice...

After 45 minutes of holding, caressing, and snuggling with our precious Chloe, the time came when I just knew she was gone. She had been fading since birth due to her constricted airway. We knew we wouldn't have much time with her. So we held her close to us and we waited. All throughout the labor, delivery, and after Chloe's birth, we had music playing from CDs we had made especially for the occasion. Truly, it came to serve as background noise. When the nurse pronounced her death, 2:55 p.m., the music came to life and that's when I heard Him whisper.

After facing the wind that could tear apart mountains, an earthquake that crumbled the world around me, and a fire that burned my heart so deeply I felt it would never be quenched, I heard His still small voice in the form of a song...

How lovely is your dwelling place, O Lord almighty
My soul doth long, and even faints for you...
Better is one day in your courts
Better is one day in your house
Better is one day in your courts than thousands elsewhere
(based on Psalm 84)

A calm came over me just as quickly as powerfully as the wind, earthquake, and fire of my loss tore me apart. He spoke to me. In those words, He told me that Chloe was with Him. In His dwelling place. In His courts. And there's no better place she could be.

It's been 3 and a half years since Chloe died and as God has drawn me in closer and closer, I have heard Him speak in unimaginable ways. But the point I want to make today, is that I know that for many of you who read this blog, it is because you too have faced or are facing the wind, earthquake, and fire of the storm I described above. You know what it's like to lose a child, and I am so sorry for that. But as a Mommy with Hope I also know the comfort God has covered my brokenness in, only because of the eternal hope found in Christ Jesus.

It is my prayer for each of you, that you seek God with all your heart, listen for that still small voice, and be prepared to respond with a joyful obedience to what He is calling you to do, even in the shadow of your loss. After the wind. After the earthquake. After the fire. Hear Him whisper.

4 comments:

Kitty @ Four Little Toms and a Mom said...

Oh, Teske,

How much more of a whisper can you get than that? Keep at your ministry. So many need it. I'm going to forward a link to a woman who deals with this kind of loss all the time. Thank you for sharing!

thedettras said...

Oh, I was so moved!! I miscarried and to this day I feel like I am missing a part of me. God has filled that hole with so much. I love hearing your testimony!! You inspire so many women!!

Antique Mommy said...

Moving indeed. Lovely post and thank you for sharing.

(Did you know your blog header is missing?)

Melanie said...

Teske, your faith inspires me. You are such an example of faithfulness. Thank you for sharing from the deepest part of you! And what is that beautiful music playing???